We have created a society where men’s efforts are often unnoticed and taken for granted. A society where men tease men for being soft, expressive or emotionally vulnerable with the people they love! We teach men to always provide, always be useful, never complain and earn love through sacrifice. Along the way, many men learned that their value lies not in who they are , but in what they can offer.
We also live in a world where an entire gender is sometimes judged by the actions of a few. Instead of separating the bad fruit from the tree, we slowly begin to judge the entire tree.
Yesterday at my office, I saw a woman whose hair looked beautiful. For a moment, I wanted to tell her that. But I couldn’t.
I asked myself why something so simple felt so difficult. Slowly I understood, I was afraid of being misunderstood. Afraid that my intentions would be misread. Afraid that a harmless compliment from a stranger might make her uncomfortable. So, I stayed silent.
And then I wondered, when did this fear become so deeply rooted inside me?
The world has not always been kind to women, many women carry experiences that make them careful and that reality deserves empathy and correction. We need to learn emotional discipline, accountability and respect. But at the same time, many good men carry another kind of burden, the fear of being perceived dangerous even when their intentions were pure.
Sometimes, when a man compliments a woman, his intentions are immediately questioned. If he talked to her often, people assume he wants something. If he becomes emotionally close, his kindness is interpreted as love and desire. Sometimes, trying to be a better man feels like fighting a world that has already decided what your actions mean before you even think about it. And this exhaustion is carried by many men who keeps trying to be better. The burden of being judged, the sadness of being misunderstood.
Would the world become better without men, does it become safer with only women. I don’t think so. The change begins when men and women being allowed to co-exist without gender stereotypes, expectations, not as threats, not as providers, just mere humans trying to be understood and loved.
The first step, men should start take is to stop telling other men to man up when being gentle, emotional and vulnerable. More importantly, men should correct other men when their thoughts are aligned towards lust and anger. It always starts with men teaching men to understand their self-worth. Patriarchy did not only teach women to fear men, it also taught men to suppress themselves. We need to change that. Being soft is not bad, being vulnerable is not a weakness, communication is the key to successful friendships and relationships, and love is reciprocated, not earned through sacrifice.
Maybe healing begins when men stop teaching each other to suppress softness and start teaching each other empathy, accountability and honestly. The world becomes safer not when men disappear, but when both men and women are allowed to exist as human beings instead of stereotypes.
Thanks be to God!
Joekuttan ♥️
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